Our Little Escapades

I'm still on "holiday", but since we have stopped by (you guessed it) a Starbucks to nab another delicious green tea soy latte I decided to whip out my little blue laptop and write about our romantic weekend. I meant to do it from the hotel room but for some reason we couldn't log-in, and we were too lazy to run the computer down to the lobby to have them figure it out. After all, we had better things to do, like hike around the city and eat stuff that wasn't on our latest cleanse. What cleanse was the question? lol Anyway, we have had such a lovely time together. Den went the extra mile with rose petals laid all over the hotel room floor, (poor maid) and fine tuned all the whimsical little details that said he had been thinking about me. I sure am lucky to have such a sweet man.

My favorite thing we did was to go the Melting Pot; which is a fondue restaurant. The cheese fondue was good, but the chocolate fondue absolutely sent me over the top of cloud nine. You see I haven't had ANY chocolate for such a long time that I almost when into sugar shock, but somehow I mustered enough will power to lick the last bit off the skewer. It was rich and decadent, but they had some marshmallows on the platter to dip and that about made me gag just loooking at it. Needless to say, I am NOT a marshmallow fan....AT ALL! Den did his fair share though and had a few bites so that they wouldn't go to waste. What a GUY!

We road the bus throughout town Thursday and Friday and since it was free we stayed on longer for little trips here and there. It was fun to be in the crowds and to be part of the scene, but it also made me appreciate our little slice of heaven on the ranch....we call it that but it is more of a sweet term for a little chunk of land that is filled with boys and animals.

Surprisingly, I couldn't sleep in, like I had planned. I guess I have just trained my body to get up early enough that it wasn't listening to me trying to reason with it to stay in that delicous slumber land just an hour more. Oh well....I enjoyed every moment of my extended weekend. I feel replenished and ready to head for home this evening. I spoke to Roman on the phone and his little toddler voice made me smile. Of course, he had to let me know that Levi said no when he wanted more food. I laughed, because Roman is always ready to eat, and so I said okay let me talk to Levi again, to which he said Mom...I tell you Levi said Noooooo. However, I am sure that the little man hasn't dropped any weight, but it is nice to hear that life is normal at home too. Seriously....I have a good life and I am keenly aware of all that is good in it.

21 Years.....GEESH!

It is our anniversary today.....21 years! Honestly, is it just me or does this time of year roll around quicker and quicker for everybody? It is kind of scary that our anniversary is here again. I'm so thankful to have another year with Den. I see that this time is more and more precious as we continue to get older and older. I pray that we have many more to come together.

Den has planned a romantic getaway that starts this evening. We will be missing church tonight, but we will return for church on Sunday. We are staying downtown in a beautiful little hotel on the waterfront. I am excited. We haven't been able to do this all of our married life, because we didn't really have anyone to watch our kids, but for the last 3 years (counting this one) we have been letting the older boys babysit our younger boys for us. It has been such a treat to have the opportunity to have these weekends from time to time, they rejuvenate the spirit.

We stay close enough by that if there are any problems it is a quick return, but honestly we have heard of hiccups that the boys experience while we have been away and they haven't called us once, they just "man up" for lack of a better word. I sure appreciate their hearts and their diligence to keep Den and I on our date. They are incredible boys!

I had to laugh yesterday when I was speaking to Sis. Bridgette on the phone and I was telling her that Den and I were going to take off for our anniversary tonight, when she said she thought our anniversary was in March. I assured her that it wasn't.....lol, but that March was a busy month for birthdays at our house, so maybe that was where she was confused. Then she giggled and said oh that's right you guys go away for your anniversary in June and end up with a baby in March! I laughed and agreed! To which I explained that Den and I had already thought of that, and that Den and I were pretty sure that another baby was not going to be squeezed in to the month of March AGAIN......good Lord willing. *wink wink*

Is It Supposed To Be This Hard?

As I lay in bed at 4:30am my mind won't shut down. It seems to be a problem I have more and more. Den has rolled out of bed and I continue to lay there and think about starting my day, and trying to envision how it should go. I stress the word "should" because it rarely goes as planned. I have all these lofty dreams of getting this done and this accomplished only to see that things take longer than they should or other things just come up. I don't know; there is a bit of a lazy streak in me lately too, if I want to be completely honest. Often, I start my day feeling a little defeated before I have even begun; to which I acknowledge is the worst attitude to have. *sigh*

I am in transition mode; whatever that REALLY means. I am experiencing emotions that I haven't felt before in motherhood. After all, this is my first time through it and, often, I am filled with so much self doubt about HOW I am doing it that I have an inner warfare. Where is the book on me, my children and mothering anyway? I don't want to read one that is full of all the perfect answers with all the perfect children and how the mom ALWAYS did the right thing, but I also don't want to read the one that is all about mistakes either. Ohhhh I don't know what I want, or is it that I know what I want and it is just not achievable? Well you are experiencing just a very short journey of my inner war.....welcome! hehehe

So let's start with the basics. I have two families growing in this house and I feel out of balance with it. My teenagers want to have freedom and no commitments. My little ones are all consumed with mommy, and I find all I want to do is escape with Den somewhere at the end of everyday. I want to let my house just go and not put so much pressure on myself and boys to keep it running tip top, but I already feel like I have lowered the bar so much from how I was raised that I often feel discouraged. Yes, I know I have six boys, and I was raised in a house with two girls. I completely, logically, get that, but it doesn't change my point of view. I still see what I see, and I still can't find what I need to find on any given day. Often times I am a drill sergeant making the boys do things this way or that way just so we can find pairs of shoes on a Sunday morning, and then other days I feel like I was too hard on everyone and everything goes to pot and we can't find a single pair of shoes on Sunday. It seems to me that there isn't a happy medium. Believe you me...I AM TRYING TO FIND IT!

When I lay in bed at 5am I picture going downstairs and cleaning the house, keeping up with my quadrillion loads of laundry, having to go in to the closet (THE CLOSET) to put them away, which translates to an hour of reorganzing and cleaning it. The dresser in the little boys' bedroom is no better. The drawers are so chug full of clothes that the drawers won't close half the time. When I go through to find a pair of Sesame Street underwear for Roman I find a hodge podge of anything and anyone's clothes in them. So frustrating! Half the time I just have to hold my breath and literally talk myself out of what I just saw and move on to the next task that NEEDS to be done at that time, like putting the Sesame Street underwear ON the innocent little three year old that is standing beside me with a towel wrapped around his miniature body. One thing at a time...I have to remind myself. Just getting the little boys fed, bathed, dressed and content long enough to move on to something else is a full time job some days; nevermind the mile long list of outside duties that are long overdue.

Then my older boys feel over worked and under paid. Oh the guilt that ensues on any given day. It is exhausting. I want to just say don't worry about the things that NEED to be done, but I can't. I can't live that way and in the long run no one wants to either. So I am trying to teach them responsibility, organization, routine and yet trying to take care of all their needs and wants to the best of my ability; which seems to be lacking in my mind. I guess I am a bit on overload.

I hesitate to blog, but at the same time what is this blog really about if not to share this journey with myself or my children later. I will be taking off the comments for now. I just don't want this to be about anything right now, but a journal. I'm sure you will all understand. =)

Swine Flu?

No this isn't our little Boaz, but it could be!! hehehe He will kiss anything with his famous dangerous open mouth kiss that he just loves to give....

I received this in an email this morning (thanks Den for the good giggle). It was titled "Flu Source Found!". I had to laugh, because it sure looked like our little 14 month old boy who has no problem kissing anything that walks, as apparently this little tot does.

I thought about how the pig got the better end of this deal. I mean baby breath is sweet, but a swine's snout is DISGUSTING. Trust me I have seen them up close and personal on this little ranch of ours. YUCK!!

Sick Kisses

Uh oh. No way. I can't be getting sick. Is that my joint aching at me? Surely not. Maybe Boaz wasn't ONLY teething after all. That little snotty nosed face of his that demanded comforting open mouth kisses all day long must have contaminated me. I mean the kisses were divine and kept me smiling, but why do I always think I am a super woman and won't get sick with whatever he has. I mean for the most part I don't get the sniffles or colds, but once my body DOES get something it hits me hard. This time is no different, I suppose.

I slept with a hot pad. They say that this is a hazard, but I can't help it. It is a luxury that I am able to enjoy when I'm fighting chills. I think about all the hot steaming baths I soak in and my toasty warm hot pad that lays all over me when I'm ill and I thank God for allowing me to be born in the era of such inventions. He knew I wouldn't make a very good pioneer woman if I had to endure periods, flus, and afflictions without my sources of heat.

So here I sit on my little laptop, sniffling, sneezing, chilling, and not chilling in a good way! hehehe

Mothers Day Didn't Disappoint

Mothers Day was predictably wonderful. The boys didn't disappoint. They brought up a wonderful breakfast that was MY favorite. I love cream of wheat hot cereal and homemade cinnamon toast, of course let's not forget my cup of coffee with cream. It was so nice! Then out came the Mothers Day cards. It is so funny to see which cards each of the boys pick out. River chooses the more sappy grateful ones that are long and say everything, Isaiah's are more short and sweet but the photo on it normally says it all, and Levi is all about humor with a loving twist. I could have chosen which one was from whom blindly. My favorite part is to read what they personally write to me though. I am so sentimental about such things and it is by far my favorite part of each holiday. Those cards will go into my keepsake box, and will forever stay in my heart.

P.S. Abram made me a Mothers Day gift too. It was pen with a white flower glued to the top with green pipe cleaners wrapped around the length of it. He is the one the worries the most about the upcoming holiday and making sure that everyone gets a little something from him. :)

Sniper Babies!

Oh where to begin...

Yesterday was a long day. I wouldn't say a bad day, but one that was full of conflict. It seems to be my battle lately. Everything is coming at me at once and I'm barely keeping my head above water. So where should I start? The younger boys, or the older boys? Let's go with the bigger situation yesterday....Boaz and Roman. Yes, I think that is the right decision. Let me run with it.

Well Boaz is teething his second set of one year molars. They are beastly to cut for him. I'm not sure if he is aware of his split personality at only one year, but I sure am. My happy go lucky tot will be waddling around wherever I am doing my chores, then all of a sudden he turns into the Incredible Hulk and throws a well rehearsed little fit. Actually, I may be a little more forgiving of the tantrum if he actually took on the traits of the Incredible Hulk, because at least there would be warning. I mean he would turn green and his tiny clothes would tear and shred right before my eyes and therefore I would at least feel prepared that an outburst was coming. No, what is a better way to describe this. Hmmmm.....oh I got it...he's a sniper. Yep, a well hidden sniper. He is mosying along being good, minding his own tiny business, and then all of a sudden something makes him pull his hair trigger; something gets launched in to the air and may land on Popeye (our dog) or will come skidding across the tile or wood floor. Of course, that isn't enough to satisfy his flesh. He then must collapse to the floor and I don't mean without any care, no it's more like he glances through his peripheral vision to make sure his brilliant little noggin doesn't get any bumps or bruises in the landing. It's actually quite a graceful fit throwing. The only thing he is unaware of his how orchestrated it looks. Knowing that he is going to make sure that his body makes a soft landing I pretty much ignore them. To which he lays there silently, requiring no more attention, surprisingly. I think he is just recharging his batteries before he gets up and snipes off another fit, personally.

Okay, so by the end of the day I'm beginning to think about church at 7:30pm. Oh boy...this should be fun. So we do the diaper bag shuffle right before we walk out the door and we are off, perfectly aware that I am heading in to battle with my toddlers. I must... stay.... focused.

So when we get to church I see some visiting brethren pull up. It's our wonderful stand-bys and I can't tell you how much that means to me, but I also know it's not only home brethren with our 20 something kids. I must make sure my arsenal is full of ammo to keep babies behaved. Please don't act up sniper!

It begins with everyone coming in and visiting. Anthony a four year old happily sings song, "Hi Roman!" across the room. Roman stoically doesn't respond. Anthony piped off another happy hello, to which he receives a scowl. So I decide to make Roman say hi back. That goes over like a lead balloon. He lets me know he doesn't want to. I ask him if he plans on obeying me (me waiting with bated breath because this single answer will determine the rest of meeting for me), to which he hesitantly says yes. So I asked him again to say hello, to which a tiny hi was retorted. It was so tiny that his lips didn't move (yes it can be done...try it.) However, everyone smiles and it seems to have done the job. That is when meeting is about to start so I remind him to hop up on the bench and sit back. If I had had a seatbelt for all of us, and maybe a bar to lay in our laps I would have fastened them both because I knew it was going to be a bumpy emotional roller coaster ride. But since I didn't I was going to have to wing it.

From that moment on the first hymn was started and sniper boy began to pull out his little bag of tricks. He wanted up, no down...he wanted his bottle, he wanted to throw his bottle. Oh here comes the collapsing that he has been practicing all day. It would have been challenging enough with Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde, but Roman also decided to work on Abram's last nerve. You see he would point his tiny three year old index finger at anything that was entertaining Abram and demand that it be brought to him. Of course, Abram, being the eldest of the three was not impressed. He tried to share or take turns with Roman, but Mr. Roman would cry silently. Now when I say silently it doesn't sound half bad, but understand that we all knew that it was just a matter of time before the silent cry would turn into wailing. It was like waiting for a bomb to go off. Tick tock...tick tock.

So to make a very long meeting, for me, short I had to waltz both babies out, apply a little hiney pressure, and call out the big dog (Den) to take sniper boy out once (which almost never happens). At the end of the evening, after the dismissal prayer I was humbled. A little embarrassed by the circus, but at the end of the day we survived. You see I have trained many a sniper in my motherhood, and this one will be no different. No taking shelter from meeting for me. BRING IT ON BABIES!!